This day will pass, just like every other day since this date a year ago. As Marti says, every day is a day of remembrance for us. I think today will be only a little harder.
I continually look back to remember what Scott was doing on any particular day or time. Often, I play through the events of the attack ( I have learned a lot about it) and imagine being there with them seeing the event from all different angles. It may seem weird, but it brings no pain or emotion. I am completely detached from the event, merely a witness. It is how I have come to understand what happened and be with Scott and the others at that moment. I can’t stop or change the outcome, but at least I can be with him when he dies. Often, Marti will look at me as ask what I am thinking and I just answer, “Scott”.
Early this morning as the time of the attack approached and those bright blue digits on the clock ticked closer to 4:20am, I lay awake and this was my only thought. Then I reminded myself that this day will not bring that news again. It will not be a reenactment of those terrible moments of Christy’s phone call and the frantic need to be with her.
This last year’s journey has brought me from shock, denial, physically painful, gut-wrenching, disabling numbness to where I live today: a place of sharing, supporting, honoring and remembering. When I revisit the indelible moments of those days last August it never fails to flame the emotion that is there constantly right under the surface. I refuse to allow it to be painful, that is debilitating and thus pointless. I let the feelings run over me as if rain and shed my tears, suck in my breath and remember the goodness. This does not always work. .
Among the thoughts of Scott, I wondered if any other soldiers had died on this day in the other years of this war and I resolved to find out when I got up. In my email this morning is a Google Alert for Scott and it is to a blog, “Remembering The Fallen” run by Debra Estep who does just that for every date. Today’s Fallen are honored there in addition to our five, Justin Penrod, William Scates, Andrew Lancaster, William Edwards and Scott. Since our five fell, there have been 453 more brave men and women killed. Now families just like ours and therefore now our family too. 4188 since the beginning.
On the bright side, Scott’s dear friend, John Wayne Reynolds and his lovely wife Michelle are going to be here from Austin for the weekend, arriving Wednesday. We think the world of these two and it will be a real joy to have them here to hug and lug around DC doing the touristy stuff.
August 11, 2008
August 11, 2008 ~ A Day
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Thinking of you all today and everyday. So glad you’ll be with Scott’s dearest friends this week. Love and hugs. B
Comment by Bonnie — August 11, 2008 @ 11:13 am |
May the love of the many who are concerned about you and the comfort of God rain down on you today and in each day of remembering. Thanks for sharing how you are getting along and seeing each day. It really helps me and I am sure others to know how you deal with this awfulness.
Have a great timing hugging and lugging John Wayne and Michelle. And enjoy the beautiful city of DC!!! We found the spy museum a lot of fun! Hug each other for us!!! Susan
Comment by Susan — August 11, 2008 @ 11:49 am |
Wonderfully said, Ed. Those of us who served with Scott, and all the people he touched throughout his life, will never be able to forget this day. Not long ago I found myself on the road, heading through the small village in Ohio where I was when John Wayne called and said he had “bad news”. A horribly uncomfortable feeling washed over me, and I started to feel all those memories creeping back in. This isn’t a good day, but I try to focus on the great man that he was, and remain thankful for the opportunity to get to know his family.
Comment by Brian S. Stewart — August 11, 2008 @ 12:02 pm |
You are forever in our thoughts and prayers, but we’ll close our eyes and try a little harder today. Remember that all of us love you and will always be here when you need.
Comment by Alison — August 11, 2008 @ 12:19 pm |
I too was awake at 4:20 this morning not even wanting to acknowledge this day. I can’t even put to words how I feel today, marking the one year mark of my son’s death Justin Penrod. I think at times as if this was just some cruel joke, and then the realization of it all tears at my soul. If it wasn’t for the peace of God and the assurance I would see my son one day soon, I don’t think I could go on, even though there are my other children, I just long to be with my baby boy. I think of the parents of those other soldiers and pray God’s comfort to them on this day.
Comment by Tina Tuttle — August 11, 2008 @ 12:24 pm |
Thinking of you as well as remembering Scott.
Comment by John — August 11, 2008 @ 1:43 pm |
I awoke roughly around 4:30am today as well. Not intentionally; it just happened…
I’ve been thinking about you guys all day. I love you, and I will see you soon. Many hugs.
Comment by Suzy Deppa Quintavalle — August 11, 2008 @ 5:42 pm |
You and Marti are in our thoughts – I wish that I had the same gift with words as you do so I could attempt to provide some small measure of comfort on this day. Instead I will simply send love from all of your cousins.
Comment by Becky (Archer) Benner — August 11, 2008 @ 8:27 pm |
I have now sat at my computer for at least 20 min and I have started to write and then erased and started over searching for words that might make sense or to let you know that we all have lost to a degree but none more then you and Marti. I changed flights today in DC and was sitting on the side of the plane with a view of Virgina and more importantly Arlington. The flood of emotion made me cry. I think of you two often but most importantly today.
Comment by Dewitt — August 11, 2008 @ 9:37 pm |
Just wanted to drop by and tell you I’ve had you in my thoughts and prayers today.
~ Beth
Comment by beth — August 11, 2008 @ 9:50 pm |
You were all on my mind all day yesterday. I miss you all and hope to see you soon. Love you.
Comment by Linda — August 12, 2008 @ 5:17 am |
You know you both are in my heart and prayers everyday. I am blessed for having him in my life all those years. I have a photo of him and Christy from their wedding day that I have carried in my car since he left on his first tour. It is still there. He’s riding like the King everywhere I go.
Love to you both.
Comment by Josie — August 12, 2008 @ 2:56 pm |
My prayers were with your family and Christy; my daughter, Susan Sims called and we talked about, Christy and out prayers for her. Through your e-mails, etc, I feel I know Scott so well, even though I never had the privilege of meeting him.
Prayers and good wishes to you all!
Diane
Comment by Diane Coles — August 12, 2008 @ 7:53 pm |
Just a note about how much I care about you all, and share in the Aug 11 pain, but more about the healing about Scott. I think about Scott often…but I am blessed with the luxury of still having my son, a sophomore at Va Tech…. Scott remains an American hero, a personal hero, and a hero to so many of us who need to understand the committment as a soldier that he made, and honored.
Comment by Rick Neumann — August 14, 2008 @ 7:42 pm |
Dear Ed,
I happened to be doing a google search on my name and the word plate,
trying to find an article I thought I had shared somewhere, when I came
to this post.
Thank you for the mention of my blog. It was back on March 24 of this year that I started the site and also signing each guestbook on the day that the hero passed. This is my small way to let family and friends know their loved one is remembered.
Sincerely,
Deb Estep
Proud Air Force Mom SSgt Vince – Lackland AFB
Proud Air Force MIL SrA Dana – Randolph AFB
Remembering The Fallen – Blog
http://tinyurl.com/3z8p55
Angel and soldier
http://tinyurl.com/6gey8b
Comment by Debra Estep — October 16, 2008 @ 7:49 pm |